I recently coached a highly experienced woman, working in the corporate sector. A brand new role had been created in the company she'd been a consultant for, she applied and she got the job. She got the job because of her credibility, because of her corporate history, her reputation. She finds herself in a position where her male dominated team don't seem to value that credibility though. To them, she has no reputation as yet, she has no real clout yet and her authority is being undermined at every turn.
During her session, it just appalled me that her male colleagues seem to literally be playing games with her. They don't let her finish her sentences in meetings, they talk over her and wave their hand around dismissively, they stand over her and even seem to physically back her into a corner. At this point, it is important to note that both her and I realise that this behaviour is NOT representative all most of the male business fraternity, this type of behaviour is, we hope, in the minority – but it is happening. How does a small framed woman who believes in win:win situations compete with a strong male counterforce who are unsupportive of her role and seem to thrive on win:lose war-type situations?
During the session, my client maintained that she just wants to be able to do her job to the very best of her ability. The changes she has implemented so far have proved financially fruitful, her vision for where her department could be in a years time remain strong and in focus, but with such strong opposition, her energy is being sapped by constantly having to dodge curve balls and understand how to deal with patronising comments...one of which was 'Stop behaving like a woman!'.
When she gets passionate in a meeting, she's termed 'emotional', when she fronts up to a colleague who's talking over her, she's called 'aggressive' – how is she to win?
The way each client deals with difficult situations like these will differ, but here are just three strategies that every woman can employ to 'up' her feminine credibility, regardless of how others respond to her.
- Don't over explain. Women do do this and it does undermine feminine credibility. Instead, stick to the point, make your point succinctly and clearly, slow the rate of your speech down a little and lower your voice. In short. Make your point and then stop talking. Let others fill the gap of silence if there is one, expect a positive response but whatever you do, don't explain your point in a different way any further.
- Take up more physical space. Naturally, women tend to be smaller in build than men. What I noticed during the research for my latest book though, was that women make themselves even smaller in meetings particularly. They'll cross their legs or arms, they'll sit on the edge of their chair, their frame will often diminish. Instead, sit at the table. Rest your elbows on the table, sit up, sit with both feet flat on the floor and 'attend' the meeting. Don't apologise with your body language for being there. Be 'present' at the meeting, hold your space.
- Think about the wider space around you too – think of it like an invisible energy field. Think about that energy field and own it. Although no-one can see that energy field around you, they will feel your presence in it. So use your mind to create a bigger presence than your actual body. You will notice other people responding differently, they won't know why but they will notice you.
Find these tips helpful? Why not talk through your own situation, coaching sessions are completely confidential. In our 'Creating Credibility' session, you'll discover the gap between how credible you feel and how credible you actually are. Credibility in the workplace will give you the ears of your junior and senior staff, you'll be handling your boss and stakeholders with more authority and clout. You'll deal with any negativity you have around this area and be able to carve out success on your own terms. It's worth it. Talk to us today, call 0845 474 2241 or email lynette@thewomenscoachingcompany.co.uk
If on the other hand, you think you'd love the job that I do, why not consider training to be a Coach yourself? Our sister company the UK Coaching Partnership Ltd train corporates and entrepreneurs to be coaches and they work with their new skills in all types of ways. There's nothing to stop you doing the same. Find out about our accredited diploma course starting in September at Cambridge University or talk to us on 0845 474 2251 for more details.
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